things have been crazy lately from being hospitalized to finding out i could be bipolar. but i want you all to know i'm feeling better now and soon i'll have my beloved up here with me.

i know its been a while, alot has been going on, i'm dating someone now really excited that i've found someone who makes me feel loved ^^ i've been playing an online game since the last week of may 08 so that has been keeping me accupied sorry if i havent' talked to ne of you in a while i'm not trying to avoid you i just get in these phases where i just don't want to do much i'm still unemployeed filling out for disablity for this damn diesease i have so hopefully that will come threw, i hate how ppl pity me since i don't have a job but it isnt' all that bad i met mark while i've been outta work and he seems to love me for who i am mom is a little aggrivated at me tho cause these days my brain just turns to mush whenever i talk to mark and i get in this daze and it takes a while for me to come outta it. he really does make me happy and that's all that counts right? i'm being judged daily for my relationship and i'm sick of it, dont' u think i get it enough from my family y can't u be happy that i'm happy D? i don't understand you. u keep saying you want me to be happy then u sit and critazise everything i do. Stop it already ok? i c how it is now u can just drop me for two months then think everything will still be where u left it? well i'm sorry i'm not i use to think u were better then "him" but ur not how could i ever have thought u were better then him? you actually liked it when i was around but now that i'm with mark u just avoid me constantly what the hell is wrong with you? i'm still who i was before i haven't changed i've only been happier and i think that is pissing you off i'm not the one who runs to you no more with every little problem i've become an adult and you need to realize and u should have realized from teh start that i wouldn't need you all my life. but HOW DARE YOU JUST NOT TALK TO ME NE MORE I STILL LOVE YOU Y DO U HAVE TO JUST AVOID ME AND ABANDOM ME LIKE THIS? i want you in my life plz stop avoiding me i will always need you i just need to be able to make mistakes

he has to shave his fuzzy beard!!! lol

to all that miss me i'm still alive and well

hello, rachel's loved ones. this is rachel speaking beyond the grave. if u don't know yet i have a new yahoo id. i'll explain everything now. Last friday evening, i finally went through with it. suicide that is. i'm sorry to tell you this i just love all of u so much, i couldn't let you all see me like this. so i took my own life thinking that i was the cause of all your problems. i never realized i only caused more. now as i float here regretting my mistake. I wish to say i love all of you and i wanted to say one last good-bye. *hugs all*



i'm sorry if i scared you at first i was thinking of a new story line. do you like it? i think it will be a good story. I really didn't try to kill myself i promise, lol i'm actually happier then i've ever been. i hope u weren't crying, not that you would have really cared. i'm sorry i haven't been on in a long while. i've had alot on my mind lately. i met this really great guy that really makes me smile. he treats me like a goddess. hehe u'll understand my hehe if u get my new yahoo id. i've actually been writing alot lately not that i'm goin to let ne one read it *evil laugh* nah if u really want to read it i'll letcha. Except you aiko hehe. love you aiko. i'm glad ur feeling better. I just am really happy right now i don't think i've ever been this happy in my life. I've been dating my man for bout a month and two weeks. i'm sorry to keep rambling on bout this stuff but hey this is my blog right?! hehe sorry just really happy and loving life right now. i really don't know what i would do without him. if he ever left me i don't know if i could recover from it.

:) love yall,

Naede


PS I DON"T WANT NOTHING BUT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY FROM EVERYONE!!! ps this is a recent pic of me hehe and baby girl.

if you need to get ahold of me contact me though chat i have msn, and yahoo...so if you want i can give you my addy and you can talk to me that way...if you miss me that much

i'm going to get help soon i promise i'm going to call around and find a shrink that can help me...there is a lot more problems with me then most people realize...but i'm finally getting over some of them i'm talking to mom more and telling her how i feel but she is really concerned i have yet to tell her about my many attempts of suicide. i've even wrote out notes each time and i'm keeping them for a rainy day when i get the courage to finally die or give them to the shrink...which ever comes first i'm glad you all care...i really need that right now

what the fuck is wrong with me? i dont understand why everyone is pissy towards me lately if i said something to piss you off then tell me don't get mad at me cause if you know me at all you know i didnt mean to do what ever i did. And you also know that if you dont tell me what i did wrong i will go on for days tearing my self to pieces trying to find what i did wrong.

I"M F***in SORRY!!

i'm sick of people geting pissed at me and then making me torture myself just so you can feel good about yourself!

You know what i dont give a fuck anymore!!


IF I OFFENDED YOU IN ANYWAY: JUST FUCKIN BUILD A BRIDGE AND THE FUCK OVER IT! I'M TIRED OF FUCKIN PUTTING MYSELF DOWN FOR YOU!


GO TO HELL!!!

I got tagged by orions_tears to list 10 anime/videogame characters I find attractive and tag 5 other people afterward.

1. Shuichi (Gravitation) 
2. Ai (Princess Ai) 
3.  Kurama (Yu Yu)
4.  Yusuke (Yu Yu)
5.  Dee (Fake)
6.  The Vampire from Cresent Moon (cant think of his name)
7. 
8. 
9. 
10. 

Taggin'...umm...aiko_chan2006a_dead_angeldaiyaonnalynxyoukai

sorry i haven't been on in a while i've kinda been busy with work, seems like thats all i do and now i gotta look for another one so i can have two. sorry for leaving you after i gave you my heart i really am sorry, please forgive me. i know i should start making time for my friends on here. well if you wanna get a hold of me quickly you can email me at naede.riko.chan@gmail.com okay? that's the one i check all the time okay. i gotta go so i'll talk to you later oaky?

Well i know i havent been on here in awhile but i'm okay, i've finally accepted me for me i'm so proud that i've over come that....my new motto is "if you don't like me for who i am you can KISS MY ASS" just hearing that come from me makes me smile. not much is happening here. Just confused on my sexuality but i think i'll be fine. At least i hope so...lol i dont know what hit me but it was something good. For some reason i just cant not be happy lol. I'm happy i'm me and no one can be me...lol well thats all i have to say i have to go check everything else i'm might write something later okay?

love ya all,

Rach

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot,


who calls you back when you hang up on him,
who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.
Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead,
who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats,
who holds your hand in front of his friends,
Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares
about you and how lucky he is to have you.

Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, "...that's her."